I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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