Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
