You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize