I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
