I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nutella sex= disaster
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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