dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am naked and annoyed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize