If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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