That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
