I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
