don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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