you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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