I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
