Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
