Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize