she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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