Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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