Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
