I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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