Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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