Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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