where am i from again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
