All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
