Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
