Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
