i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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