guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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