hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
