You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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