dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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