1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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