turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
