i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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