hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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