im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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