covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
