someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
