I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
