when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
