She said her name was "party"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
