see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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