I didn't shave. On purpose
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize