I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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