I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
