you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
