Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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