we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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