he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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