Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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