I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
