Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So many bounce houses so little time
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
