i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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