If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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