I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
