Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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