You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
