I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Actions speak louder than pants.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So vagazzling was a success
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize