my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
