that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
