Who wears a wallet chain?!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
