Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
