dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She made me pour olive oil on her.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
