Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I want to have your abortion
Quick, to the slutcave!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
