Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
