I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Randomize
