it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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