Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
