i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize