I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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