im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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