No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
