i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
