That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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