sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
