I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize