Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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