I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
