Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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