I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize