from now on my penis is your penis
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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