woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
