In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
