No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
