Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
