When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
