I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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